-Write a post about what your impression of Fresno CA is. I don't care if you have never been there.

 

I really like Fresno. It is fun and pretty, in a cowshit and fast food restaurant and bleak kind of no-terrain kind of way. I really like that it is so hot you feel like there is a weight on your chest. I liked how you get to say “oh God, we’re in stupid FRESNO again.” I like seeing how many things can be made out of iron, stucko and plastic, and I super enjoyed hearing trucks. It’s really fun to be in a kinda pass-through place. So I guess I’d say “neat neat neat neat!!!!!!”

 

- Pick some random choice you made at some random time in your life and write about how if you made a different choice everything would be different. 

 

I spent 3 weeks in Switzerland and took 3 weeks off in Indiana to reciprocally host my Swiss host-sister. I did not make abundantly sure it would be okay with my job. Therefore, I was fired. Therefore, I was not allowed to use a living history museum job as a reference or mention it on college applications. I merely buried my deep happiness at pretending for money that it was 1836, while maintaining the ability to use a modern toilet, until it festered and came out with people in tidal waves. Had I maintained this job, I would never have had to waitress, I could have become a better wood-stove cook, my college would be ivy league, I would be a history professor with two children (one with a repaired cleft pallette) in Goshen, Indiana, in a house I built myself and I would really be irritated with history people and wish somehow I could meet people who are more normal. I would still be musical to the same degree. I would be rude to service people and then immediately tell my co-diners a history fact and then they would have to one up me or sit in simmering rage at my innaccuracy and arrogance from building my own house and secret belief that I am probably Thoreau if I didn't have to teach bored undergrads things they hate. There would be a small library wing dedicated to me in the Conner Prairie library, however, that would stick in my craw as being far too small and not along the exact lines of my expertise, which is obviously Jacksonian English. This is something I would frequently bring up as something I don't care about or think about. I would insist on going to living history museums and loudly criticizing them to my family in the car on the way back to our hotel. So. Thank God that happened, or I would be an insufferable prig, and not just boring sometimes.

 

- make a list of the top 10 things you think I worry about. 

 

1. Your son
2. Your family
3. Your hair
4. Your job
5. Hollywood
6. Private lives of celebrities
7. Times of things
8. Nutritional Content of Foods
9. Exercise
10. If it is going to be like this forever and ever until you are dead.