Two thoughts

a) I’m really enjoying my self denial I’m doing lately.

Oh really? I’m not letting myself enjoy it.

Well, that’s what I meant.

b) I feel that Facebook and Twitter is like passive partying for nerds. Particularly Facebook. And that if it were real life, you'd walk up to a person, they would be frozen like a mummy, and you would look at pictures of them as a baby, with their sexpartners, drunk, and look at all the things they say and all of their friends, and then push them in a closet. Then wait for someone to do it to you. O Facebook, you eat my mental thinking pie too much.

If I were a Barnacle

It would be like this.

This exists

Obviously

A real name

Chadderton Thornton. 

 A quote, from the New York Times: 

Xanthe Faulkner, 26, said her job as a sommelier in Vancouver, British Columbia, allowed her to see “how the economy drops a little more every day,” since customers increasingly opt for cheaper wines. She and her boyfriend, Chadderton Thornton, 29, camped along the way on the three-day drive, and their tastes matched Coachella’s eclecticism: by Saturday afternoon their two favorite shows had been put on by Leonard Cohen and P.O.S., an underground rapper from Minneapolis.

"Where are Xanthe and Chadderton?"

"Who cares. They are always late anyway, we should just order."

"Chadderton is sensitive."

"Man, Chadderton plays at sensitive, but he can be such a little bitch."

"You're too hard on Chadderton. He and Xanthe have been arguing."

"I'm sorry. I think I'm just tired or something."

"We'll get an appetizer. Chadderton likes onion rings."

"Okay."

"I love you."

"You love Chadderton."

"...yes."

We've always been this way!!!!!!

INFORMATION

Everyone to read the Art of Civilized Conversation and have that impressed upon children and PSAs run on television and there to be a facebook group and a common tattoo and a small inquisition that doesn't use actual physical torture but just torture of effigies that are chillingly like the person being tortured, except they are fantasy versions and have more sexualized physiques so the torture really hits home and people say "how can you do that to me I am so BEAUTIFUL!!!"

Perhaps that would backfire and they would rebel against it because they are too beautiful to be told what to do.

NEW PLAN:

To be able to slam the table with both hands and say:

"WHAT YOU ARE BEING. is a BORE."

when someone has talked about themselves for 20 minutes or not asked you a question in the past hour or yawned to fake like they are relaxed or when you realize they finally have something to talk about because you are talking about them and they are thinking, if you had to bet, "finally. This feels normal."

Also, this rule would be instated for all of my dim aquaintances for me, because then we could have a "WYABIAB" policy and then we could all weep and hold each other because we could finally be honest.

Several honest things that have felt like chains falling away when admitted:

I dislike Arrested Development.

It is fun to say homo.

My boobs are mostly foam.

Do you just want to be drunk and stoned and do a bunch of anal?

Thank you.

all of this applies to you